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Tagged #life

Are You Gonna Finish That?

Stack of Books

I’m a completionist by nature. I love checking everything off my to-do list for the day. When I discover a blog, podcast, or webcomic I love, my curiosity pulls me toward consuming its entire backlog. I spend hours spelunking the archives, finishing every last morsel of media.

Growing up, I attended Catholic school and was taught by nuns to finish my lunch because there were children starving halfway across the world. I was taught to complete one book before starting the next. Taught to give equal attention to every station of the cross.

This type of perseverance can be a valuable tool in one’s toolbelt. There are moments in life that call for grit, when it’s crucial to push through discomfort and disinterest. But fetishizing finishing isn’t nearly as helpful as it feels. Just the act of completing something isn’t virtuous by itself—the context matters.

We are living in a time of ceaseless information overload and ever-expanding choice. Thousands of photos are posted to Instagram every second, 500 hours of video are uploaded to YouTube every minute, and millions of books are published every year. You can’t consume all that “content” even if you want to. Your time and attention are limited resources. In this context, a better skill than finishing is knowing when to finish something and when to abandon it.

I’ve gotten better at this over the years. I’ve become more attuned to what my body and brain are telling me about the future value of what I’m currently doing. These are the questions I ask myself when deciding whether to stick with something or bail:

  • Am I enjoying it?
  • Is it feeding my mind or my heart?
  • Will it help me accomplish something or solve a problem?
  • Will it matter in a year? Five? Ten?
  • Is there something I’d rather be doing?
  • Have I had enough?
  • Might it be better to set it down now and pick it up again later?
  • What’s the worst thing that would happen if I give up?

These questions help pressure-test the idea of continuing to follow my current trajectory. And sometimes their answers reveal that I should have pulled off the highway a few exits ago. But no matter how close to the end I am, it’s never too late to stop.

I want to give you permission to quit the thing you’re trying to finish that’s not working for you anymore. It could be a New Year’s resolution you regret making, a book that all your heroes recommended but you keep bouncing off, or even a side project that doesn’t bring you joy anymore but that you keep maintaining out of a sense of duty. Whatever it is, you’ll know it, because just the psychic weight of it being unfinished is stressing you out.

You don’t have to complete everything. You don’t need to be in it for the long haul. Quitting something doesn’t make you a quitter. Instead, it makes you someone who knows their worth and knows what they want. Letting go of one thing can give you space to start something new that will serve you better. And if you regret your decision, it’ll still be there when you’re ready to pick it up again.

#advice #life #media #wisdom

30 Lessons from 30 Years

I turned 30 years old today so I spent some time this afternoon reflecting and collecting 30 lessons I’ve learned in my time on earth so far and (as best as I could remember) where I learned them from.

Merlin and Roderick sometimes call these types of lessons “thought technologies” and that certainly feels fitting considering how useful and applicable they’ve been for me. Each one of them has helped me during critical moments in my life so far. I hope you find even just one of them helpful in yours. See you tonight.

On Work

  1. First, care.
  2. If it takes less than two minutes, do it now.
  3. Your mind is for having ideas, not holding them so if you didn’t write it down, it didn’t happen.
  4. Ideas are just a multiplier of execution.
  5. Putting it on paper lets you start fixing it. If it stays in your head, a perfect idea, you’ll never share it with anyone.
  6. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good.
  7. Say “yes, and…”
  8. Practice out loud.
  9. The best code is no code at all and the best interface is no interface.
  10. Make It work, make it right, make it fast.

On Relationships

  1. Do what you say you’re going to do. Conversely, don’t say things you have no intention of doing.
  2. Don’t compare someone else’s onstage to your backstage.
  3. The conversation is the relationship.
  4. Love is a skill, not just an enthusiasm.
  5. Love is not enough.
  6. Love is not a finite resource, but time and attention are.
  7. Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.
  8. Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
  9. I’d rather be 9 people’s favorite thing than a hundred people’s 9th favorite thing.
  10. The way to love someone is to lightly run your finger over that person’s soul until you find a crack, and then gently pour your love into that crack.

On Life

  1. Life is not a zero-sum game.
  2. Two is one and one is none.
  3. Everyone is just making it up as they go along.
  4. Keep moving and get out of the way.
  5. It’s easy to be on time. You just have to be early.
  6. You don’t have to talk. Instead, ask Does this need to be said? / Does this need to be said by me? / Does this need to be said by me now?
  7. The natural world makes no promise to align itself with preconceptions that humans find parsimonious or convenient.
  8. If you want to be trans, you’re trans.
  9. Time is a precious thing, never waste it.
  10. Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think.
#advice #lessons #life #me