I turned 30 years old today so I spent some time this afternoon reflecting and collecting 30 lessons I’ve learned in my time on earth so far and (as best as I could remember) where I learned them from.

Merlin and Roderick sometimes call these types of lessons “thought technologies” and that certainly feels fitting considering how useful and applicable they’ve been for me. Each one of them has helped me during critical moments in my life so far. I hope you find even just one of them helpful in yours. See you tonight.

On Work

1. First, care.
2. If it takes less than two minutes, do it now.
3. Your mind is for having ideas, not holding them so if you didn’t write it down, it didn’t happen.
4. Ideas are just a multiplier of execution.
5. Putting it on paper lets you start fixing it. If it stays in your head, a perfect idea, you’ll never share it with anyone.
6. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good.
7. Say “yes, and…”
8. Practice out loud.
9. The best code is no code at all and the best interface is no interface.
10. Make It work, make it right, make it fast.

On Relationships

1. Do what you say you’re going to do. Conversely, don’t say things you have no intention of doing.
2. Don’t compare someone else’s onstage to your backstage.
3. The conversation is the relationship.
4. Love is a skill, not just an enthusiasm.
5. Love is not enough.
6. Love is not a finite resource, but time and attention are.
7. Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.
8. Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
9. I’d rather be 9 people’s favorite thing than a hundred people’s 9th favorite thing.
10. The way to love someone is to lightly run your finger over that person’s soul until you find a crack, and then gently pour your love into that crack.

On Life

1. Life is not a zero-sum game.
2. Two is one and one is none.
3. Everyone is just making it up as they go along.
4. Keep moving and get out of the way.
5. It’s easy to be on time. You just have to be early.
6. You don’t have to talk. Instead, ask Does this need to be said? / Does this need to be said by me? / Does this need to be said by me now?
7. The natural world makes no promise to align itself with preconceptions that humans find parsimonious or convenient.
8. If you want to be trans, you’re trans.
9. Time is a precious thing, never waste it.
10. Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think.